Call me princess

Wahahhaha! I cannot take it! Was just chatting with Kenny Sia on MSN, and he told me he just found Jolin Tsai's blog.

It's fucking funny! Kenny told me to read it, but apparently my eyes don't take too well to small Chinese fonts. But I did see the sidebar... It says, "Princess files" when translated literally.

Which led to this MSN chat:

I must become rich! says:
my blog more princessy or hers

Kenny le Sia says:
hers.

I must become rich! says:
OEI!
how dare u!

Kenny le Sia says:
she even calls her mom 'huang hou'
do you call ur mom 'huang hou'
NO
you call ur mom 'momo'
so she's more princessy than you

I must become rich! says:
i shall call my mom huang hou from now on

Kenny le Sia says:
HAHA
and ur bro 'gong zi'
and cloudy 'tai jian'

I must become rich! says:
shite i dont wanna call smelly gong zi whahahahha

Kenny le Sia says:
have to!
he's ur bro
a prince

I must become rich! says:
he is smelly prince then

Kenny le Sia says:
'chou gong zi'

I must become rich! says:
lollllllllll

Hahahaha! I remember like 2 years ago, I had this interview with Jolin when I was a reporter (lucky internship) for Today newspaper.

She, sitting on a stage, related a story to disinterested (only I was excited... the rest of the reporters were all old) reporters about how she thinks she is a princess.

NO. I am serious. She's not even just jesting about it.

The reason why she thinks she is a princess is because she went to a fortune teller, and the fortune teller told her that in her last life she was an Indian princess.

And she thought about it, and decided that since this life of hers is pretty good as well - you know, all the pretty nails, glamour, adoring fans, and non-stop working hours - she must still be a princess in this life too.

I looked incredulously at her, but she might have thought it to be adoration on my part.

What if she goes to a second fortune teller and the fortune teller tells her she used to be a banjo player in Laos in her past life?

I think she might throw a big fit and have him beheaded. At least, that's what I think princesses do....

Come a few years, and she still thinks she is a princess!! Whahaha... I know it's nice to pretend to be a princess and dress like one, but seriously BELIEVING that you are one is another thing altogether.

The funniest thing is, everyone else on her blog seems to have no problems with her self-proclamation as a princess!

THEY CALL HER PRINCESS!

I dunno, I'm just guessing, coz I can't be half-assed enough to read the comments.

I WANNA BE A PRINCESS TOO!

As such, I just visited a fortune teller yesterday, and he told me sagely that I used to be a Norwegian princess my last life. (!)

I had blonde hair that rippled to my waist, and had startlingly cold green eyes. They clashed terribly with my favourite colour then, which was orange, he said.

I asked a little bit more about my past life while smiling self-satisfiedly (I was a princess!), and the fortune teller said "Heavenly secrets are not to be divulged" but added I had a pet Norwegian dragon.


He clashes with my orange dresses too...

It breathes fire.

I would ride him while the masses admired my magnificant sight from far below, and I was the only princess controversial enough to wear an empire-cut dress while riding. All the other princesses wore pants.

My lovely pet was called Grogzjo, Norwegian for Ferocious Flyer.

I believe the fortune teller because the controversial part matches my current life's fate as a controversial blogger, and also, I have a pet dog, and we all know dogs are current day dragons.

To further prove my point, Cloudy just hurled a pile of orangish-red vomit. It's like the fire he used to breathe.

It is now confirmed that I have royal blood in me, so I am offically announcing that I am a princess.

As such, you all shall have to kneel down to read my blog, and from this moment on, certain people related to me shall have their names changed.

Please refrain from addressing them in their old names. It's a thing of the past now.

++++++++++++++++++

Me: Princess Wendy, Her Imperial Highness

Momo: The Queen, Her Majesty

Smelly: Crown prince (yelch, but by virtue of relations... sigh)

Cloudy: Grogzjo the II

Mike (knighted and made to dress in shining armour, all while wielding a sharpish weapon on a white horse): Lord Marquet the III (My Norweigian love then (French guy, red-headed)was called Marquet but he had a son from his first marriage named after him, thus III)

Wong: Court jester

Kelvin (made prime minister): Premier Wee

Shuyin (made duchess): Lady Teo IX of ... I haven't decided that country I am princess of.

Other people not mentioned who are friends of mine are to be called "his/her highness" at all times.

++++++++++++++++++

This is a royal blog now!

Pictures in a bit... I'm packing my room. I need a few chamber maids. What a hardworking princess I am!

Quart Festival Just Got Thowdeder

Oh my, what an evening I have had. How you feel about getting a call to see if Devin the Dude want's to replace Kelis (she cancelled) at a huge festival in Norway next week on Tuesday that you were already going to with Bun B on Saturday but Slim Thug and Kanye West (+ my real peoples A-Trak and Killa Kyleon and Mr. Rogers) will be at the fest on Wednesday so you are now going to Norway July 4th for Devin the Dude at Quart Festival with SWAY and LEELA JAMES (BUT WAIT PAUL WALL JUST ADDED TO THE BILL!!!! WHAT UP NIQ! WHAT UP GU?), so then July 5th Slim Thug and Kanye & crew of folks. Then Thursday off to Amsterdam to meet Bun B and crew on Friday. Do the national rap show with Kees de Koning and Wix and them on 3 Voor 12 Friday night. Then Saturday go back to Kristiansand for Bun B with Styles P and LOW B!!!!!!!!! and AARON LACRATE AND AMANDA BLANK FAMILY FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Sunday fly home and hopefully watch the World Cup final on the plane (do they do that?).

Tuesday July 4th Quart Festival - Kristiansand, Norway

Devin the Dude (oh yeah WITH DJ RAPID RIC!)
Paul Wall
Sway
Leela James

Wednesday July 5th
Kanye West
Slim Thug

Saturday July 8th
Bun B.
Styles P
Aaron LaCrate, Amanda Blank, Low Bizzle

And it was just this morning that I was puking up the last of the Intonation Festival thinking life is hard.
----------
Intonation run down and over 100 photos coming asap. That shit was the best weekend I can really imagine at the moment. Thanks y'all.

Gah

Updated on Stomp... Go read those instead!

Comments still disallowed.

Devin the Dude is NOT performing at Zentra Tonight (READ THIS!)

Yo I keep getting messages from people saying they are excited to see Devin TONIGHT in Chicago. Fact is, he is not performing at Zentra. This is a DJ Rapid Ric gig and Ric is spinning from 12 a.m. - 1 a.m. Devin the Dude will probably roll with us and be in the house, but maybe not. I know the flyer says "Special Guest" and he will be a special guest if he goes out and about tonight.

So don't expect that shit, just come party with us. Rapid Ric gonna tear the roof off that thang thang tonight. After Zentra, like 2:30 a.m. or so we are gonna head to Smart Bar to link with our boys in Chromeo.

Then SATURDAY AT 2:30 PM Devin the Dude will perform at Intonation Music Festival, in Chicago. Tickets are not expensive. I have no guest list. I will not walk you in with us. I can't get photo passes. Just come see The Dude in action in front of 10,000 people!

Then Saturday night DJ Rapid Ric will be spinning at the official Intonation After Party at Sonoteque as well. I don't have all the info on that but members of Chromeo and Panthers will also be DJing.

See you this weekend?

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And yo finally I am getting these photos from the Ozone party in Dallas up. Man, it went down and I want to say thanks to Corey and everyone at Clout. Man, Dallas is coming with some real shit. And the Mavericks









Tequila reads the Ozone


Big Chief


Corey from Clout


Push and DJ Princess Cut


DJ Chill, Kottonmouth


Pookie from Urban South


Free, Cold Cris


Crystyle, Steve Austin, Tequila


Jizno, Kottonmouth - Rally Boyz!


Mista Long, Money Waters


Money Waters, ?, Corey


Mr. Pookie!


Mista Long, Steve Austin


Cho!






Payday, Gorilla, Money Waters, ?


Pikahsso!


Pookie, ?, Uncle Pauly


Mr. Pookie


DJ Princess Cut, Lil Phil, Money Waters


DJ Princess Cut, Money Waters


Riflman, Blofly


Small Soulja




Tequila

And then of course there were some ladies... enjoy folks.



















Me and Steve Austin.

See y'all at the grand opening of Play N Skillz club.... soon.

:D

I just threw a durian seed out of the window!

I've been throwing lychee and durian seeds out. Hope that they will all grow into tall, sturdy, fruit-bearing trees in a couple of years! :D

Pretty trees. :D

Today I saw a girl on the bus, and she was with her boyfriend.

She has her hair tied up in a half ponytail, and god, instead of lying flat like the classic half ponytail, it was high up in the air - resulting in the tail's body being 1 inch away from her scalp.

It's awful. =(

(Mid year resolution: Cease commenting on people's bad looks. Remember what Jorraine always says, "OH YOU DIE! Karma comes in KGs!!!!!!!!" - with a deadly ringing silence from everyone listening)

Needless to say the couple wasn't very good looking.

And so, while on the bus ride I came up with a very good theory.

My theory is that it is a blessing to be ugly.

So ponytail girl had her boyfriend, which was around her standard of looks, say, 3/10.

So actual looks, 3/10.

Self-esteemed looks? Must be around 3/10 too, since she deems herself worthy to be with someone around that kinda marks.

Now, love is funny game, isn't it?

In life, we are constantly trying to find the partner which has the maximum amount of marks to be with us. Don't gimme that bullshit about communication and deeper understanding and all that. That's rare and weird.

Nature makes us breed with the healthiest we can find, and "health" is often connotated by looks.

So in this case, a person around 4/10 in eligibility will possibly wanna get someone 5, or maybe even 6 if possible, but if not, he will settle for his own standard, which is 4/10.

Similarly, the 6/10 which the previous 4/10 tried to pursue (but failed) will try to get someone 7/10, but most likely will fail and finally settle for someone 6/10 like herself.

(Theory is only general - there are obviously rare cases of exception where, say, a handsome man (8/10) is with an ugly girl. Handsome man might, for example, have only one testicle and feel he should compensate for something, thus giving himself only 3/10 - which is why he is with said ugly girl.)

The reason why I say being ugly is good...

Now, I presume everyone's final motive in getting into a relationship is to continue life - ie by getting married, giving birth, and hopefully have a happy family.

For that, we mostly need an amazing formula called faithfulness.

If a fugly couple, ie, 2/10 both, are together, the chances of them scoring 3/10s are low, because as explained earlier, the 3/10s would try to settle on 4/10s.

They might score other 2/10s, but why bother? All are so ugly anyway.

Now we look at a good looking couple: both 8/10.

People 7/10 and 6/10 are constantly trying to hit on them, and well, why not fuck the 7.5/10 - he is not bad looking anyway.

So there you go. That's why celebrity couples are always cheating.

And that's why fugly couples stay together. Until they are so repulsed by each other's ugliness... well there is nothing much they can do.

I know you can frown and quizzically ask me, "So in this case, why don't good-looking people who want faithfulness force themselves to be with 2/10s and be happy?"

Oh no no no it doesn't work that way.

1) They will be very unhappy to be a person who is way uglier than they can achieve, so the happiness from the faithfulness will be cancelled off.

2) The poor 2/10 will go crazy from the competition and criticism.


I know. It's a brilliant theory.

(I am not adding in the factors of how sad the 2/10s are in secondary school where they are teased to death for looking like cows. They will later realise it is a good thing.)

*********************

There used to be a time where I could write these whimsical thoughts of mine in my blog without people instantly smashing them to bits with their sarcastic remarks.

Save it.

Comments are disallowed until I feel like I got my blogging bug back - all happy, shiny, and confident again.

And also, just coz you are one of the 20,000 people reading this blog and thus letting me be a professional blogger does NOT give you the rights to demand anything from me.

I get money out of this not through YOU surely, but through my own hard work.

It may not be very hard work nowadays, but I make the effort to photoshop for hours, I make the effort to negotiate and source for advertisers.

You do nothing. You just read and entertain yourself on interesting material you want to read anyway. What's your credit?

I am thankful to my faithful readers who are always encouraging me, but if you are one of those who thinks you are a big deal enough for you to say "You are a professional blogger, you should blog for us when I ask you to!", think again.

You are extremely wrong.

Fuck off and boycott me if you want to. If it gets bad, I'll just work harder, blog more, and get more readers.

By then I'm sure you will come back to read grudgingly, now finally understanding you are nobody to lecture me.

You just enjoy a new entry like a pleasant surprise if there is one, but if there isn't, you smile benignly, and say, "Well, I suppose I could come back in 2 days to check again!"

Congratulations, you have finally grown up.

(Apologies to the nice regular readers. Some of the teenage fuckers really piss me off with their snotty attitudes)

And yes, comments are DISABLED.

I am a star blogger!

ST has been giving their new million dollar project, Stomp.com.sg, a lot of publicity recently, and to my tui-ness, I realised I missed a chance of being on the front page coz I was on a damn airplane.

Super suay right? If it were just one day later, I would have been lazing casually on that Astral or whatever car they are giving away too, trying my best to act as if I am a mei nu.

BUT NO! Had to be flying back.

I didn't see ANY Singaporeans at all during my trip in US, and when I made my way back I kinda had a startling relevation about how ugly Singaporeans are.

It is true! I landed in Tokyo and somehow, the plane wasn't taxied where it was supposed to, and the passengers had to all take a bus to go to the arrival hall's entrance.

Then when I was on the bus, people were all minding their own business, and talking to their friends, when this loud person started making conversation in a very embarrassing way to some other stranger who has the misfortune to sit on the same plane and bus as him.

You know how when some funny person strikes up a conversation with you just coz he is very lonely and needs some attention, and it is always loud enough for everyone to listen in, while you try to make the conversation as short as possible?

Yes, that kind.

So this loud guy, the exact sort we all dread to have sit beside us in a plane, started talking to this Filipino lady, asking her if she had a direct flight from Tokyo to Philippines (whatever, I can never spell this), and etc small talk.

He was SO loud, the whole bus was pretending not to eavesdrop while eavesdropping.

The lady answered him, and he started asking her about Philippines, and I started to think about how I hate such people, when he chirped loudly and suddenly:

"I AM FROM SINGAPORE!"

Nobody even asked him where he is from.

I turned around sharply to look at him, and indeed... A typical Singaporean uncle speaking in broken English.

It then struck me how ugly Singaporeans are.

And god, he was ugly.

He was around 45, wearing his terrible spectacles from the 70s (gold wire-rimmed, oddly magnified his eyes a thousand times), was scrawny, had awfully nondescript but ugly features, wore clothes from the 70s (high-waisted pants with thin, translucent shirt), and had a remarkable 2/3 of his hair missing, resulting in a Trump-worthy combover.

Nobody would have batted an eyelash seeing this ugliness in Singapore, mostly because it is very common for Singaporean uncles to look like this, but in that bus, where travellers are mostly from LA or Tokyo, he stood out particularly badly.

Even if these travellers weren't good looking, at least they didn't wear clothes that are mass produced in China for the mega-thrifty. Even though angmohs may be terribly fat, at least they manage just not to look so... low class.

I bowed my head in shame hearing his sentence, wishing and wishing he didn't really say that, for now all the flight passengers, if they haven't seen a Singaporean yet, would presume that all Singaporeans looked like that.

AND THEY DON'T! Except uncles of his age!

I wanted to shout, "Look at me, I am Singaporean too and I am dressed nicely!" but at that point of time I was holding on to Mike's pillow which I brought back to hug(a big, out-of-shape, brown-stripey-covers affair), so I thought, well, better not, else people would think Singaporeans are not only ugly but also quite mad.

And tadah, when I touched down I am greeted by people who are all dressed in sloppy tees and shorts, and something I am not really accustomed to in US: zits.

Why are Singaporeans always so oily looking? I suppose we can't do much about our humidity, but BLOT, people, BLOT!

Not to say there aren't good looking people in Singapore of course, like a trip to Zouk on Saturday would possibly have the average traveller say "Singaporean girls are hot!" but well, sad to say our older, heartlandish generation is really quite ugly.

Oh well, better than China people... Even the teens have truly bad fashion sense. At least our youths look pretty good.

Wish Singaporeans can bother to dress up a little bit more.

Oops, what a long digression!

Back to Stomp!

Here are some of the pictures I took during our photoshoot:

Photoshoots are so fun!

There were many clothes in 4 different clothes: Black, white, blue and red.

I liked the white the most, coz it consists of many cream coloured vintage-looking corsets (ooh!), but in the end black was chosen for everyone.

The reason? If the boys wore white they will look like PAP. Knn.

MTV twins May and Choy. Before I met them I heard they were rather unfriendly, but I think they are very nice!

It was right before I went to the US, so the twins actually bothered to write out a list of places to visit for me. Sweet!

I also like them because they changed braless in the changing room. Hehehe *lecherous smile*

My Aldo shoes totally doesn't match the outfit...

I hate skinny people. Damn, I'm so hard to please, I hate it when people are ugly, and I also hate it when people are too good looking.

I know. Kinda unlikable. I'm an acquired taste.

Now, if you excuse me I think I will have to update the stomp blog, like I promised a gazillion years ago.

Think they might fire me.

Post-note: Yadda yadda I am shortest and ugliest amongst the girls blah blah blah can't you detractors do better than stating the obvious?

I am the shortest - and that's pretty undeniable and also something I can't help, so what else is new?

I know you are trying to get me to feel upset, but it's not working, because I understand that there will always be better looking people, and these precise people get to become VJs and erm, whatever else they will soon become.

When you guys tell me I am ugliest and shortest among the girls, this is what I feel: I feel like how a tortoise would feel if you told him he is the slowest among a bunch of hares.

Ie, nothing. I only frown and say, "Erm, so?"

I am not placed beside these girls because I am supposed to be good-looking like them.

I am placed there coz I am great at blogging, and I doubt they are as good as I am - just like I will never be as gorgeous as they are (unless I get loads of surgery and dieting done).

Also, please don't embarrass your-ignorant-self by saying things like "your posing sucks as compared to them".

My pose is set by the photographer, and so are the rest of the girls'. How difficult is it to maintain not moving after someone tilts your arm to the precise angle he wants it?

The reason why my individual photo looks funny is because it is taken by someone else other than me (who obviously can't take the photo as I am the subject), and she is standing up - vs newspaper's photographer squatting.

MY SHOES DON'T FUCKING MATCH (and, if you look closely, neither do the MTV girls') because I happened to wear them that day with no prior knowledge that my clothes are gonna be black.

It is not a matter of my bad taste - but why I am bothering to explain such simple logic to mediocre idiots who will never get to do a photoshoot and yet open their fat mouths to judge?

Right, as I was saying, I really don't care whether you guys think I am good looking.

Why do people wanna be good looking? To get attention, and to get the perfect person attracted.

I get loads of attention as it is, and my one person already thinks I am very good looking, so all I need to do is to maintain HIS opinion. (Not yours, your unworthy fucker)

If you wanna hurt me, I suggest you hunt Mike down and try to convince him I am ugly. That's tough considering you only know he is in Texas - which is 695,622 km², a whooping 995 times the size of measly Singapore.

Asswipes. I am ugly? Fuck you, I bet you are fucking uglier yourself.

So I have Dawn and the MTV twins above me? You probably have around 80% of the world's population looking better than you. If you don't believe me you can ask your mom - who is also your aunt.

All the similar comments of you idiots shall be deleted. Fools seldom differ they say... indeed.